founder of ReallyBeU Health & Wellness Consulting
There were so many lessons that I was given as a child that I have had to unlearn, painfully and over a long period of time. The most rewarding experience of my life, second to having my children, has been to walk beside people as they do the same.
I am no expert, although people often use that word to describe me when I testify or teach or consult. I use my credentialing as rarely as possible and only when it is a last resort. Mostly I just love to talk to people about how to heal their emotional pain because so many have helped me. I wouldn’t say I am healed, but I am soothed and calmed enough to be fully present for others experiences.
Remaining humble and closely affiliated with my roots growing up on a small farm in the mountains of Vermont has allowed me to talk to all different people, those in power and those without. I have enjoyed the opportunity to work with those in public service and those who public servants serve. Emergency responders, providers, helpers and patients, clients, and inmates. The best part of the job is where all of these titles and labels intersect and I see myself there, somewhere in the overlap.
I have learned some powerful lessons that have not been helpful to me as I have grown and I have worked hard to unlearn them by first identifying whose narrative they were.
- My family of origin labeled me as not intelligent – I have had to work on reckoning with that belief.
- My family of origin taught me that my worth was tied up in the recognition for success that I received.
- My family of origin taught me that those who are the loudest and most grandiose are permitted the most space.
- My family of origin subscribed to the idea that if you work hard, you can make your way.
- I am as smart as my choices say I am, and so too can you be.
- As it has turns out, my worth is often most potent when I am not being recognized and “success” is a White, Patriarchal, Dominant culture narrative that was someone else’s story. Your worth is with you regardless of who sees.
- The quieter I have become over the years, the more space others who I respect deeply have afforded to me. I do not need to choose to be around those that are loud and grandiose, I am grown and can decide who I give space to.
- The concept of working hard paying off is a story of privilege, I know now that for some people, it is not about working hard it is about surviving. Working hard to give back is the most important.